Good times at the farm!

My little cowboy...

(and the aunt that dressed him up).

Procrastination

I have 2 online exams (read LONG essays), another multiple choice exam and a three page paper due by tomorrow night and I'm doing everything in my power to procrastinate. Why? I have no idea. I'm designed this way. Any time I have stuff I should be doing I find other things to occupy my time. Take now for example. I'm actually writing up a blog posts just so I don't know to start on my work. A blog post that is long overdue but I've had too much other crap going on to even care about the blog. Hubs & I headed back to the hoosier state to visit our families. We headed back for a couple family reunions and in addition to that I was able to spend a night up in Michigan visiting my little sister for a night and we spent multiple hours lounging around at his parents farm. He flew back after one week but the kids and I headed up to Lake Michigan to camp with my parents and sister & her kids. It was wonderful! Other than all the awful frizzies that formed a halo over my head thanks to the humidity. I'm burnt out on all the ridiculous temps in Oklahoma but I do NOT miss humidity. I forgot how suffocating it is to breath outside in that stuff. And how awful my hair looks in it. This whole time I've been growing my hair out I've been wondering why I like it so much more this time around and while visiting Indiana that question was quickly answered. Say it with me - HUMIDITY!

Also included in the trip was a fun evening at a baseball stadium with my folks and some siblings and it ended with huge grins on the boys' faces while they watched the fireworks. Conner declared it "best 4th of July ever" even though it wasn't actually July 4th. Lake Michigan was beautiful. It brought back so many memories from childhood and all the trips we made up there to camp at the state parks near or on the lake. And the day I saw the red flag I squealed like a kid and sprinted to the water. At one point I had Biruk in one arm and Landon the other as the waves crashed into us. All in all it was a great trip. But after 17 days away from home we were all happy to crawl into our beds last night. And 8 days away from their dad was too much from all of us. Hubs kept all my plants alive and had a clean house waiting for us. It's good to be home!

Thankful Thursday

I am so thankful to have met all of these wonderful women this past weekend. Many thanks to all of you ladies for the laughter, late night chats, stories, love and to Cathy for the delicious food and beautiful accomodations. Much love!

Taking Chances

I've mentioned it before but I can't stress enough how important and critical the blogosphere world has been for me as a mother. I often wonder how my own mother survived raising 11 children when long distance calls were crazy expensive and her form of mantaining contact with her family was through writing letters and the few trips a year we visited with them. She didn't have a large network of women that she had as a source of comfort and companionship. She survived but I'm not sure I would have weathered as well as she has. I need my blogger friends (or my fake friends as hubby likes to tease). And the beautiful part is that we talk on the phone, send emails to each other and the most exciting thing of all - MEET IN PERSON! In four days I board a plane to meet a large group of women for a blogaramagaga and I can hardly stand the wait. Some of these women I connected with nearly four years ago. And finally, we meet in person!

But the fun doesn't stop there. Thanks to a series of events I had the pleasure of meeting this amazing woman along with her adorable & lovable son last night. Even though we had just recently started following each others blogs we took a gamble and within in less than 15 minutes of meeting in person, we knew we'd made the right choice! In the next hour I convinced her to stay the night. The boys had a great time together, conversation was shared over dinner, beverages were had and the talking never stopped. We wrapped up the night outside, under the stars until 2 a.m. chatting about everything & more. Honest words were spoken, our guards were down, laughter was shared and I now have gained one more beauitful (inside & out) friend from this wonderful world of blogging. note: I'm squatting down in the second photo because I felt like a giant next to her tiny, petite, adorable frame :)

What The (bleep) Wednesday

Since the youngest has been potty trained for almost a year, I'd finally assured myself the blog "poop stories" had finally come to an end. But alas, I have yet another disgusting poop story to share. Tonight, while enjoying a quiet moment on the back porch since hubby offered to clean up the kitchen, karma came to haunt me. The back door quickly swung open and there was hubs holding one child with a sh*t covered foot. Instead of giving a play by play I will tell you this. One child was actually going to the bathroom while anonymous child had to go badly and instead of coming down the stairs to use another toilet he opted to poop right then and there. Right THERE. On the floor. And somehow he managed to get it all over the toilet, vanity, etc. And to top it off, all three kids managed to get sh*t on some part of their body. Thank goodness hubs did the grunt of the work and I followed with disinfecting wipes and scrubbed. It never ceases to amaze me how much they manage to spread it around. Our kids are now bathed and sleeping in other rooms. Their bedroom is now clean and awaiting the next surprise. Life is never dull as a parent.

Life in pictures

These are from one memory card from just a couple days of photos. Taking pictures is so relaxing for me and as a result I have 1000's of photos I never get to look at it. So tonight, I spent the past 2 hours picking out some to share. And of course they always need re-sized which only adds to the time. Actual words & thoughts coming soon!

Summer lovin...

So far summer has kicked off beautifully. The plants in the garden are doing awesome (much better than last year) and we've even had the pleasure of eating a few cherry tomatoes. We recently enjoyed our second camping trip on a lake, with a kick butt zero entry pool. Today was spent at my friends (her in-laws) pool and this evening I enjoyed a beer on the back porch with a nice summer breeze. After five and a half years I feel like I'm finally getting into the swing of this motherhood gig. Tomorrow I'll surely be singing a different tune (because I always eat my words). Or in about a week when PMS rears its ugly face again (do you all have my cycle memorized by now?). While I have been having fun with the boys the house has been suffering terribly. It really is true that you can't do it all? But for now, I choose fun!

Where was I?

Thanks for the comments in the previous post. What was I thinking actually considering abandoning my dear blogger friends & family? I thought about yesterday, a LOT today. As usual, my PMS symptoms were in full throttle and I had a helacious day of raging hormones, mood swings, tears and moments of feeling like a complete lunatic (sorry Sarah). Do you ever have those days where you feel so completely alone (yet you know it's completely normal) and convince yourself that you are actually insane? I felt alone, distracted, homesick, distant and wanting nothing more then to cry & run away (from even my blog). But alas, I know I need to stick around. If it weren't for this blog I wouldn't have the privilege of getting to know some amazing women. I'm so grateful for their words of wisdom, advice and comfort. And if it weren't for this blog, my family (and friends) wouldn't get to see the crazy, irrational, desperate Chandra from time to time. It happens to be best of us right?

So I'll trudge forward, hold my head up high, and continue to do my best. I'll bore you with details of my monthly cycle, poop stories of my children, my wild and always changing dreams for my future and the daily grind of my so-called-life. Hang on tight!

Contemplating...

My blog is seriously lacking in content these days. I've reached a point that I'm not sure it's worth keeping around any more. I've started my own journal because it's much easier to write freely when you don't know 75% of your readers. Why is it so hard to pour our heart out when you know your readers? I know I'm not alone in this battle. And while I try to not think about the fact that I know my readers it still lingers in the back of my mind. Fear of judgement, criticism, vulnerability, etc.

My life used to be a lot more chaotic, adventurous and exciting. Having three kids in 32 months, moving six times in six years (not including 5 weeks in a hotel), adopting while pregnant, remodeling a farmhouse, will add a level of excitement to any persons life. Well that chapter (or should I say chapters) of our life is behind us. Now I long for the simple things in life. Days where my kids spend hours running in the backyard, picnics in the park, weekends camping, pullling weeds in my garden, homeschooling my kiddos, snuggling on the couch for afternoon movies, curling up in the bed (or back patio) with a good book, researching nutrition, etc. All of which aren't exactly blog-worthy (at least not the way I write). And I've really taken to this slow lifestyle. I like it a lot actually. Our days rarely include anything that requires leaving the house. The boys are happy when they have my attention and I'm much happier when I give them my attention. I want to embrace this lifestyle while it really is that simple and slow. Any adult you speak to with grown kids constantly say how fast it goes by. I don't want to miss out on these opportunities with my boys. Especially since they are still fighting for my lap, or a ride in the ergo, and begging for books to be read, snuggling before bed, as much time as they can possibly have with their mama. I get one chance at this so I might as well give it my all.

Just Overheard

While giving B & L a bath Landon gave Biruk his buckeye and said "here ya go, this is your favorite color". Biruk asked what color it was and Landon responded with "buckeye" vs brown. Landon then said to B "Buuukee, what color are you?". Biruk replied "I'm brown". Landon said, "That's a nice color." He then proceeded to tell Biruk that he (Landon) was blue. Biruk said "no, your yellow Landon". And Landon said "yep, and Conner yellow, and dad yellow, and mom yellow.". I was smiling listening to this conversation and then Landon had to say "Yep and I like mom's bibbles (nipples) but not dads because his bibbles are hairy". Umm.. okay.

I love the conversations between the boys regarding their skin color. I love the innocence, the thoughtfulness and bond between them!

ramblings...

I'm tired. It's just past nine o'clock and I'd love nothing more than to go to sleep. But since it's a Friday night I suppose I should actually stay awake past 10:00. I'm sick of being tired. I'm considering do an elimination diet to rid myself of whatever nasty food group causes such fatigue. In the meantime I'll continue to drink my last cup of joe at 1:30 since it usually gets me through the afternoon.

Biruk's tantrums are at an all time high. I've never seen it before and I wish some one could just tell me if it's typical three year old behavior or something more. We've been doing so well all around and this week I feel like someone has smacked me upside the head with an iron skillet. Somehow I've managed to keep my cool and cuddle, rock and hold him in the ergo to calm him but I wish we could avoid the piercing scream all together.

My kids have been averaging 10 hours of sleep a night. That include the 2 (almost 3) year old. I don't know how they are functioning during the day but they make it through. Then at bedtime they get a burst of energy and run around giggling followed by bedtime conversation until they eventually fall asleep. Then Nater & I look at the clock and say "It's already nine o'clock". Gone are the days of having all three of our kids asleep by 7:30.

I finally attempted homemade tortillas. Why in the world it took this long is beyond me but it was fun and I will no longer buy them at the store. I'm going to continue to search for a healthier recipe but in the meantime I've found an alternative.

Sometimes I gross myself out by the amount of food I consume. I made carmel corn tonight but had planned on making a double batch so I sat 8 cups of popcorn aside and after putting the kids to bed (and still stuffed from dinner) I managed to shove all 8 cups down my throat. Who does that? And why in the world do I have to lack self-control? Gross.

My house needs clean, the attic addition needs completed, carpets need cleaned, food needs baked, closets need organized, etc., etc. I focused on the kiddos this week and as a result I've completely fallen behind in my domestic duties (puke). But on the positive side, Conner is reading beautifully (he now knows short & long vowel sounds), the boys got tons of vitamin D and we all ate well this week. If only there were more hours in the day.

Happy weekend to all of you...

Wonderful Wednesday

The Moon Shines Down

Thank you moon for the serenity you bestowed on me tonight. I enjoyed your company!

A journal entry, for myself.

I'm starting to understand why we have to have bad days in life. It makes the good days really, REALLY good! I discovered this week 2 things that help Conner with homeschooling; motivation and myself. I told him at the beginning of the week that I'm going to make a chart and on that chart he'll get a star for every day he does his school work well. He loved the idea and earned himself 5 stars this week. As a result he gets to do something fun. And today, after completing his work, we made chocolate & zucchini brownies. They are disqusting (in my opinion) but the kids are all sitting at the bar eating them. Correction: Biruk just said "I don't like it. Mom, will you eat mine?". No thank you B. And I still have a 9x13 pan full of them. Live & learn I suppose. Regarding the second reason for Conner's improvement I've noticed that he works so much quicker and efficiently when I'm sitting right next to him at the table. I've been researching recipes, health & nutrition this week while Conner gets his work finished. It's a win-win for all of us. Meanwhile the other 2 have been playing so well together tackling puzzles, building with legos and imaginative play. Maybe it's all be a fluke but I'm hoping we are turning over a new leaf and with summer will come productivity for all of us, happy play, new recipes & healthy diets.

I just read through old blog posts. After watching Landon feed Biruk tonight at dinner it made me think back to an old photo I had of them feeding each other. Talk about a trip down memory lane. Wow. I'm so thankful I've blogged for so long because it's the only documentation I have of my life (along with photos) and I can't believe how many memories it triggered. And it also made me realize how much more I think about what I blog about now. I don't like it. That's the problem when more & more people you know read your blogs. So I'm going to do my best to stop worrying about what people think and write whatever I am feeling at that given moment. Like, L & B feeding each other. At least once a week one of them will be shoving a bite of food into the other ones mouth. It cracks me up. I've never seen it before and I have no idea why they do it so much. Love, love, love it! I have also been loving watching Conner's expression when he writes his words & numbers when doing his school work. His lip curls up a certain way and he sticks out his tongue a lot when he concentrates. One day he'll stop and I'm going to miss seeing these expressions. I need to capture it on video. He's also reading now which has been so much fun. My little man is all grown up...

Landon loves singing songs in a really deep voice. He can make up a song for anything. It ranges from "mailbox, mailbox to 'driving in my car, driving in my car'". And it always assures a laugh from his brothers. Speaking of brothers he calls Biruk & Conner his "guys". "where are my guys mom?" he'll say when he can't find them. Biruk. OH Biruk. He has made leaps & bounds the past few months. He started sleeping in his own bed. He's become my snuggliest child. He loves to have my carrying him in the ergo or in my arms. His laugh is music to my ears and he always looks at me when Landon is cracking him up and says "deedoe (no idea how to spell it) funny mom". Biruk is a smart little man too. The other day I asked him to try writing his name and the first thing he did was make a B. I then asked him to make the i, r, u & k and the little stinker did. I was shocked and proud.

Some days I look around and can't believe we survived three years ago. But we did. And now I'm doing my best to freeze this time and enjoy my days with these 3 special little men in my life. Lately we've been having lots of fun with some ap hubs downloaded on his phone. The boys crack up and we laugh even harder. Laughing; there is nothing else I'd rather be doing!

Balance

I love the days that come together perfectly. Days that start with coffee on the back porch, phone calls with good friends, healthy meals, homeschooling accomplished, reading books while curled up on the sofa together and some sort of harmony in the house. These are the days that you really feel like you are doing something right and it gives you hope for the next day. Something I thought about while in my funk last week is balance. I do so much better on the days I spend time with the boys. Even though I'm a stay at home mom, I'm not always fully present. It's easy for me to find tasks (de-cluttering, organizing closets, planning camping trips, painting rooms, etc) to keep me occupied. And it's always when I'm knee deep in these duties that I find myself the most stressed & detached from the kids. I have lots of wants & desires as a mother & wife and figuring out how to make it all happen can be challenging. Yesterday I made a delicious home-cooked dinner that was fabulous. But at the end of the meal I looked around and realized how behind I fell in other areas because of spending the day in the kitchen. And it's okay. There is always tomorrow. My goal is to one day have a house that is so organzied & clutter free that it will allow for even more time with my boys & cooking (hahahahaha).

So here's to living in the present. To getting organized with homeschooling (I'll post pictures of our fancy chart with stickers & all), attempting to prepare meals on the weekends and most importantly, finding balance. I'll try to post tips & advice along the way. I'd love any advice or insight that has helped in your own homes. Wish me luck!

My mom.

My mom. She deserves thousands of posts thanking her for the countless acts of kindness & selfless tasks she has accomplished over the years. For the thousands of home-cooked meals she prepared, the millions of dishes she has washed, billions of items of laundry she has cleaned and for the trillons of seconds she has spent caring and worrying for us kids. I'm lucky to have her. And because of her (and my dad) I am blessed with 10 awesome siblings! A gift that could never, ever be topped and a gift that never stops giving. I can't imagine being short any of those siblings. They are a huge part of who I am and who I have become.

I thought of my mom a lot yesterday. I think of her most days. And I wish I did more to show my appreciation for all she has done over the past 30 years of my life. For all the sacrifices she made as a mother. And for the lessons she taught me and is still teaching me. I'm blessed. Happy Mother's day Karen! Thank you for everything.
love, Chatter

Struggles

I have them as much as the next person. I feel guilty when I feel this way because I have three healthy children, a loving husband, a beautiful home and a ridiculous amount of food at my fingertips. And then I feel like such a *!tch for feeling this way. But it happens. This morning I woke to the clank of legos, 2 beds that need stripped & washed because of accidents in the night (which is unusual but stripping sheets at 7:00 in the morning isn't real pleasant), 3 hungry children and PMS hormones raging wild. I wasn't up five minutes and while putting in my contacts one child came in and asked me to make breakfast because he was hungry (I'm sure a 'please' was thrown in there but that's not the point). My kids have never, ever missed a meal. If anything it's usually served early, yet I get asked 100 times a day "can you make food? I'm hungry! What's for dinner?". It never stops. They eat all the time. The laundry. Ahh... the never ending laundry. Again, feeling like such a brat even admitting it gets old because I'm blessed with a washer/dryer and not doing it in a river or alternate water source (which is how my sister has been washing her laundry the past 8 months in Senegal). The kitchen is dirty of course. It usually stays clean for a total of 15 minutes before it's a mess again. My kids listen to me half the time I give orders. One kid is in the corner right now because I asked him three times to go upstairs and he ignored every request. That same child tore the built in soap holder out the tile wall in the tub/shower combo yesterday because after I had turned my back he decided to stand on the faucet and soap dispenser and it all came crashing down. Ceramic chips all over the tub and a big gash behind said child's ear. Good times indeed. And do you want to know what crossed my mind at that very second? What the hell were my parents thinking having 11 kids? How did they not stop at 3 or 4 or even 5? On some level, they are saints. And then comes the harsh reality that I'm not as cut out for motherhood as I had fantasized all those years of dating Nathan and imagining this beautiful, large family of ours. HahahaHAHA!

It's always theraputic for me to write but it's always hard to actually publish these post because of 1)sounding unappreciative & ungrateful 2)too many people I know that read this blog 3)it seems so silly after I get done and realize what I'm upset about. But I'm going to post it anyway. Because I'm not alone in feeling so lost in motherhood some days. This morning I went into hubby's home office with my cup of coffee, sat on the floor and started crying. Thank God for him, my outlet and source of comfort when I need it. Today will change. The kids laughter will make me smile, music will keep me company while I tackle various projects and tonight I'll enjoy some quiet after the kids are slowly asleep. And tomorrow will be different. Thanks for listening and for all you mamas out there feeling the same way, HUGS! Much love,
Chatter

If I could only freeze time...

The Maiden Voyage

We finally headed out for our first camping trip of the season in our 'new to us' popup camper. I'd be lying if I said it went smoothly and everyone had a great time. We had a few breakdowns (us & the kids) and quickly packed up and pulled out Sunday morning. But I refuse to qive up and we will be attempting trip no.2 soon! That being said, the boys asked multiple times today when we were camping again. And like most things in life, you quickly forget the pain. I'm sure they'll figure out how to sleep while camping and that we can't have a screaming, obnoxious, tantrum in a park just because your mother pulled out your splinter.