Makes my heart go pitter patter...

This morning I enjoyed my breakfast while observing the 3 boys watching their dad mow the the lawn. Landon sat in his high chair on the back deck, Biruk in the swing and Conner chilling up in his fort. At one point I looked out and every one of them had their eyes glued on Nathan. Three little boys watching their father with such intensity and three little voices shouting out "Da.da.da.da, daddy and dad". As I sat there watching them, it occurred to me; this is just the beginning. The start of the rest of their lives. They will always be looking up to their dad as their role model, teacher and friend. And I know he will be there to walk them along, hold their hand when they need it and carry them on his shoulders when they get tired.

These are the days that remind me of just how lucky I am. And how much I love this crazy life of ours.

Brushing his teeth in style

Change of pace...

Big thanks to Gma & Gpa for a wonderful visit! It was lovely to see you and we were sad to see you go. Thanks for your help with the boys and for all the meals!

Since I can hardly keep up with my blog I've decided to change things up a bit. I never post because I never find the time to actually sit down and do it. So instead I'll try to post a new picture every. single. day. Some may be of the kids, some of the scenery or some of ME. Some will be old, some new. Some sad, some glad. You get the idea.

Grandparents to the rescue

ETA: this afternoon. I can't wait!! Help is on the way :). Woohoo!
For those of you who forget this, we have NO family within a 2 state radius. So it takes at least 3 states to get near any of our family. The closest sibling living 7 hours away and our parents nearly 12 hours away. We are super excited for Nathan's parents to get here this afternoon.
See ya soon Gma J & Gpa T!

Kicking it old school

Taebo is back baby. This past month I dug out the old VHS and I'm getting my butt in gear. I've only been exercising 3 x's a week but I swear I can tell a difference. I've combined this with some pilates and I feel wonderful! I had forgotten how motivating exercising can be and not to mention how much it has done for my mood. Tonight was a late workout but after eating a cheeseburger, fries and chocolate shake I felt it was in order. And I would have done it earlier but it took a couple hours for my stomach ache to go away.

I will sleep much better :)

Sportsmanship

Conner had his first soccer game tonight after 2 practices last week. After the game they had the players give each other high five. Here is Conner's reaction to a boy hiking up his shorts when he went to shake his hand. Below that is a video of him dribbling the ball down the field. We had a great time watching him play.
edited to add: Conner is in the red shorts.

Memories...

One year ago yesterday we met Biruk for the very first time. 5 families from our agency had to wait in a room and one by one we got to meet your little babes. Of course, we were the last one picked. They video taped the meeting and took some pictures so that is why we had to do it one by one. I still remember walking into the room and meeting him for the first time, in the arms of a nanny. He was so tiny. I knew he was little because his weight was only 12 lbs but he looked so proportioned in his pictures. You could hold him on the upper half of your torso and his petite body would snuggle up on your upper chest and shoulder. Which actually worked out quite well since I was nearly 6 mos pregnant at the time. He was breathtaking. Such beautiful features and the tiniest nose I'd ever seen. Everything about his was tiny (except his eyes). When he smiled his whole face lit up. And I'll never forget seeing and touching his gorgeous, dark, smooth as silk, skin for the first time. I had never felt such soft skin in my life. It was such a different experience then seeing Conner, or Landon for the first time. We were finally meeting this little guy that I had been thinking and praying about for over a year.

And the nannies were so in love with him. It was so evident. We only got to see him for an hour and Nathan and I just kept passing him back and forth. It was so hard to say goodbye that first day. We were not allowed to have our camera in the care center but here are some pics from later in the week. My brown eyed Birukee beauty...

Not my normal post...

Today I read an article on ZRecommends.
Click here to read it. This article really got me thinking about how I was before becoming a parent. How little I knew about what it took, how hard it was really going to be (even though I had 10 siblings) and how much I would struggle. Pre-children, I remembered hearing other moms in the ladies room saying things like "Ugh..I just needed to get away from the kids" or "I just need a break, my kids are driving me crazy". Whatever, typical mother comments. But I didn't know that back then. I heard them say these things and in my head I'd think 'that's awful. Who says that about their children? When I'm a mom I can't imagine wanting to be away from them.' Fast forward 12 months. HOLY SHIT. This is what these women were talking about. Conner had colic and I would literally have to lay him in his bed to scream and shut myself in a bathroom just to gain composure. Fast forward to 3 kids. I would love nothing more then to have a sibling or grandparents live nearby so I can get a break from my wee little ones. SO, one of the first lessons I learned after having a child. Judgement is a waste of everyone's time and accomplishes nothing. That's not to say I still don't find myself questioning decisions people make in their life whether it's in regards to carseats, vaccinations, food they eat, how they spend their money or other day to day things. But when I do, I try to remind myself that it does ABSOLUTELY no good for me to judge that person. It's stupid really. My husband is really good at keeping me in check in this department. He's a good man and a much better person then myself in so many ways. I love that about him. It's nice to be reminded from time to time, when he says "Chandra, judge not, lest ye be judged".

Okay, okay, he's right. So anyway, I read this post this morning and thought I'd share. My mom always said "It's amazing a child makes it until they turn 18". She's right. Biruk knocked over my night stand. Conner came and told me Biruk knocked over the dresser. My heart stopped and I sprinted up the stairs. It was my little nightstand but it could have been a large dresser. We can't always protect our children. We get out of bed in the morning and do the best we can and for every day we all survive I say thanks! I read someone's blog where a woman had forgotten to strap her daughter in her carseat. I've done that twice. I let Conner climb up, strapped the 2 little ones in and took off. From the backseat I hear "mom, you forget to strap me in". Sometimes as a parent we have so much on our plate we can't keep everything straight. So frequently, when showering, I can't remember if I've shampooed my hair. So I do it again and then maybe it occurs to me that I had already done it. I still have to subtract my birth year to come up with my age. And I find I am getting more forgetful by the day. And I know I'm not alone with this. There are a lot of busy parents out there that are doing the best they can. And for those that have had to endure such an awful tragedy, I feel nothing but sorrow for them.

Quality Photo

This was taken with the self timer and the camera setting on the foot of our bed. Nothing but the best :)

Take two...

I love these boys. I love their smiles. And I love my babes in diapers.

I don't know why I bother

Tonight I attempted a pic of the 3 boys. The picture speaks for itself.

I did get some good shots of Landon & Conner after the B-man went to bed.

Spring is here...

82 degrees. We spent the first half of the day outside enjoying the weather. Conner found out that our flowers have bloomed. Time to go for a walk. Spring is here and we are loving it! I feel a weight has been lifted off my shoulders this week with the warm weather and sunshine.

Who needs toys?

Deep thoughts...

I wish...

I wasn't prone to canker sores.
life wasn't so busy and chaotic.
our fixer upper would have sold.
we weren't landlords and Nathan wasn't fixing a water heater right now.
dishes weren't waiting for me in the kitchen.
I would have gotten braces several years ago when I had the chance.
junk food didn't taste so damn good.
I didn't whine.
we lived closer to family.
one of my sisters were here right now.
I could get out of my funk.
Nater was at home with me every day.
my camera wasn't getting fixed right now.
for people all around the world (that needs a list of it's own).
I wasn't always wondering what was next and I could just live in the present.
I was more patient with my kids.
I could be more laid back.
I didn't need to sleep.
for a thunderstorm right now.
upon a star.

After you.

Here is a picture from out at the farm house this weekend. I love being out there. The boys running in the fields, exploring new territory, chasing each other, touching the grass, and falling down while I enjoy the the sound of only their little voices and laughter. It's so peaceful.

But then I remember all the struggles we had while we lived there. Water that smells worse than any fart (times one million), a basement that flooded, ants galore, one tiny bathroom, and all the memories of the remodel. You could say it's a love/hate relationship. But now, mostly love. I miss our little house on the prairie (as Nathan's boss calls it).

Contagious

I don't know how but I have never seen this before. I was laughing so hard with Conner watching it.

Clarification

I am a terrible writer. I quickly write what I'm thinking and I am not very good at painting the whole picture. So I will try to explain things with Biruk as well as I can.

Daddy. Biruk is definitely a daddy's boy. But there are also plenty of times he wants his mama. Especially at bedtime or naptime. It's usually myself who puts him to sleep. So I don't want to worry anyone that there is no bond or connection between us. Because there definitely is. The incident with him not reaching to me when he was held by my friend is the first time it's ever happened and it obviously freaked me out. So I wrote about it quickly without any explanation. However, while it may not mean anything, I want to address the issue. So, Biruk and I are going to be having a LOT more one on one time. I'm going to make time during the day for just the 2 of us and hubby is going to help work it out in the evenings that we get even more time. I want Biruk to come snuggle up on my lap throughout the day. I want him needing his mama to hold him just because. So, I am hoping to make some improvements in that department. Part of it I blame on his extremely independent personality. And the fact that he is such a busy body. He loves to be running around getting into trouble and exploring.

I love the fact that he is so close to his daddy. I've had 2 mama's boys so I think dad deserves a turn. Thanks for all your support and please keep the advice coming.

Chandra

No he didn't....

oh yes he did. Apparently Biruk has snuck on my blog and read my most recent post. And so today he wanted to prove me wrong. My good friend Angie (Conner's girlfriend) was over today and Biruk was reaching out for her while in my arms. Then when I would hold mine out for him to come back he shook his head no and nuzzled up on Angie. Slap in the face. Seriously. On a positive note he reached out for hubby. I told you those 2 were buds. Me and him. Not so much. Anyway, I love my friend Ang so she's off the hook but I was so bummed. Am I making a bigger deal about this than it really is? Please chime in adoptive moms out there or any mama's with little ones that prefer others over yourself.

sincerely,
sad mama

My Biruk-ee

When we were in Ethiopia all the nannies would run up to Biruk when we were at the care center and say "Birukee Birukee Birukee" with their beautiful, beautiful accents. He was well loved and his face would light up when seeing them. And from then on we called him Birukee. Nathan would say it repeatedly to him just like the nannies and his face would brighten up. It was one thing that was familiar for the little guy. So if you hear me refer to him as that, this is why. I am trying to phase it out but it's so hard. It's really grown on us. I catch Conner doing it a lot, as well and some of my siblings.

Biruk has been home for going on 11 months. It's been interesting to say the least. And since his one year is coming up I've been thinking a lot about our travels to Ethiopia, the insane (to put it nicely) few weeks after we picked him up (starting with the flight) and how we've bonded and attached. I felt like I was constantly analyzing those first few months after he arrived home. Are we attached? Do I treat him different than Conner? Why doesn't he do this or that like Conner did? Maybe we aren't attaching well. Meanwhile, him and Nater were falling into an adorable relationship. Biruk loves his daddy. As soon as he sees Nathan his face lights up and he yells "Daddy (it's spoken more like Da-Deeee). Too cute. Anyway, I loved him, no doubt about it, but I was constantly worried that it was "different" and you think about the fact that they are adopted.

Then around 6 months I realized something was different. I wasn't thinking about it anymore. I wasn't obsessing about whether or not we had attached to each other. That was a good sign. I noticed you think less and less about their adoption, it feels so natural. But somehow, being the crazy, analytical person I am I still worried. Biruk is busy. That's not to be taken lightly either. The boy loves to be on the move. So up until bedtime, he doesn't stop to come cuddle and curl up in my lap. Conner, our 3 year old is constantly doing that.

But something happened this week. Biruk, our indestructible germ rejector, finally picked up some cooties and got his double ear infection. He has become Mr.Snuggler, hang at my feet wanting to be picked up while I'm making dinner, wants mama not dad and falls asleep in my arms. And I'm loving every single minute of it! Twice today he curled up in my arms and I rocked him to sleep. And he did it twice without his security doll 'Little Baby Gund'. I've never felt better. So I feel the need to shout it out to everyone who will listen, "He loves me!! He needs me! And I need him!". I hope this isn't a temporary thing and we can continue our snuggle sessions. And him needing me to hold him in the middle of the day, just because. We need that. We need each other.

I love you my little Biruk-ee. Thank you!

Another one bites the dust..

It's Biruk this time and he was diagnosed with double ear infections. He woke with a fever today and could best be described as lethargic. He has a wicked cough and his eyes were droopy all day. He doesn't want to eat or drink anything so we are hoping by tomorrow we will see some improvements. Landon has had a slight fever but seems to be feeling pretty well. Conner is well on his way to a full recovery. Mom & dad - still healthy.

So what better way to treat my immune system than to feed my body 10 lbs of sugar & salt. I bought enough junk food to feed a football team and plan on doing nothing but rotting my brain with garbage on tv and feeding my face. I already feel my stomach churning. I've started with twix and tootsie rolls. Since it's Valentine's day soon the tootsie rolls are only cherry & vanilla flavored. Yum. Along with the Twix and Tootsie rolls I have the following supplies;

Peanut butter m&ms
Gummisavers
Dots
Chips & Queso
Pringles
Mustard Pretzals

I think that covers it. I'm sure there is more but that's all I can think of at the moment. Time to go overdose on sugar and rot my brain.

Happy Saturday.