Never a dull moment...

with this trio!

Scenes from Ethiopia

For You...

There're no words to say
No words to convey
This feeling inside I have for you

Deep in my heart
Save from the guards
Of intellect and reason
Leaving me at a loss
For words to express my feelings

Deep in my heart
Deep in my heart
Look at me losing control
Thinking I had a hold
But with feelings this strong
I'm no longer the master
Of my emotions

No words to say
No words to convey
This feeling inside I have for you
For you, for you
by: Tracy Chapman


I just returned from Ethiopia and the words are not coming. There is so much I want to say. There is so much that needs to be said. Yet I can't find the words. So I'm going to do my best to form them. 10 days ago I was sitting in the airport, waiting for my flight, when a good friend called and told me about the changes that were being implemented with the adoptions; specifically the 5 letter rule. My 3rd night in country, which happened to be my most emotional, I was forwarded the petition and encouraged to sign. It was the most disturbed I'd felt the whole time I was in country. Not because of anything I'd seen in Ethiopia, rather the words coming from my own country. Earlier that day, while visiting a small village south of Hosanna, I had one gentleman run up to the hut to ask if I was "the lady from Canada collecting children". I also had one gentleman come up to me to say he's not heard anything about his daughter he had given up for adoption. He was hoping I had some information for him. And what will his daughter do if she wants to find him one day and can't... Heartbreak, heartache, I can't shake. That same night I received the petition in my inbox. You can imagine the emotions swirling through my head...

While I'm incredibly heartbroken for the families & children involved in this situation I truly believe, something needs to be done. And I hope, amid all this chaos, the Ethiopian government, the adoption agencies, & adoptive parents can reach deep inside their heart and do what's right. I wish I had the answer. I wish I knew a way for no one involved to get hurt. And mostly, I wish the very best for the children and for them to not be caught in the middle of all of this.

I'm so grateful to have made this trip and to have been gifted with a certain peace that I had been longing for the past three years. Had I not made this journey, I'd still be hurting and haunted by my first trip. Another blessing this time around was my ability to cope with the cultural shock and really embrace the Ethiopian culture and people. There were so many moments, while driving through the villages and watching the people, I had a huge smile on my face. Not of pity or sadness, but more fascination and admiration. I liked Ethiopia 3 years ago, but this trip I was able to really fall in love. And before stepping inside the airport I spent a few last minutes breathing, smelling, hearing and seeing Ethiopia before saying goodbye. I'm hoping to not have to stay away too long. Ethiopia became a part of my life over three years ago; but now it's a part of me!

Wordless Wednesday

All in the name of love

DISCLAIMER: This post falls into the category of TooMuchInformation.
WARNING: TMI, TMI, TMI
LAST CHANCE: READ AT YOUR OWN RISK

Before getting the boys tucked in for bed I decided to take a bath. I was tired & wanted to do it before time got away. The boys are calmed down enough by this time of the night that I have little to fear as far as them getting into trouble. Plus the littlest had already fallen asleep at 5:30 with a fever in my bed. So I had no more than ran my water, lay my head back and C & B are inquiring whether or not I'm going poop or taking a bath. I inform them that I'm actually taking a bath and could I please just relax. Conner then says "well I have to take a poop" (which means he would need wiped). He then says he doesn't have to go bad so he'll hold it. Keep in mind I'd been in the tub a total of five minutes at this point. 2 more minutes pass and Biruk informs me he has to poop. There is no negotiating with a 3 year old so what do I tell him? "Fine, poop in here". Nothing says Valentine's day like sharing a small bathroom with one pooping while you soak in the tub. And there were NO candles burning. Gross. So I did my mom duties and he was on his way. 2 more minutes passes and Biruk is back "mom, Conner is done pooping". Me: "Tell Conner to wipe his own butt" (no time like the present). 1 minute passes and Biruk is back "Mom, Conner done pooping he needs you". Me: "Biruk, please tell Conner to wipe his own butt". His response "I wipe Conner's butt mom" and off he runs. So I gave up, grabbed my towel and headed upstairs to wipe yet another butt within 10 minutes of trying to take a bath. Guess what we'll be doing this weekend?
Butt Wiping 101 (advice welcomed)

Another day...

Today was one of those days that was ordinary in every way yet so perfect because of it. Hubby & I woke to three sweet boys jumping on our bed with excitement because dad didn't have to work. And because they woke before six and played in their rooms until after 7:00 I rewarded them with homemade hot cocoa (if you still haven't tried this recipe I urge you to immediately) and waffles with strawberries & whip cream. We enjoyed our breakfast, cocoa and I enjoyed coffee while the boys played. The next few hours were spent cleaning, making lunch, and attempting three naps (all of which were a big fat FAIL). I'm not sure why I bother with the nap thing. I suppose since most nights they sleep 10.5 hours I just assume they MUST need a nap. As usual, I was mistaken. So after the attempt to nap, we headed outside to burn off some pent up energy. The boys hauled some serious booty on their scooters and hit every puddle of water they could find. Each side of the road had a constant flow of water from all the melting snow and they loved riding through it. Meanwhile, our neighbor (I like to think of him as our adopted Grandpa to the boys) chatted with me while the kids played in the street and sidewalks. We watched, laughing and talking about how great it was that they were able to be so free. After chasing each other around on their scooters they hit up the snow piles and threw snowballs at each other like they had been doing in for the past few years (I guess it's a natural instinct to make snowballs and throw them at each other). Finally, with soaking wet feet and pants we headed inside to warm up and make dinner. Dinner was followed by books, brushing teeth and bed by seven. The one advantage to our kids sleeping less is that most nights they crash as soon as their head hits the pillow.

Last night I had started installing a hitch for my Pilot when I realized the bolts weren't going to go in as easy as I had hoped. And since hubby is working his butt off at building an office over our garage and doing an awesome job I figured I'd better finish the 'hitch' project. So tonight I finished cleaning out the pre-drilled holes (filled with 7 years of rust) with some Naval Jelly hubby had picked up for me (thank you). And it did wonders. The bolts went right in with out any problems. With some assistance from hubby to hold it up, the hitch was installed in no time at all. Why a hitch? I've wanted a popup camper for the past few years and I think this will finally be the year I make it happen. I grew up camping and those trips are some of my fondest memories. I can't wait for my boys to experience the joys and peacefulness of camping!

After the hitch install I finally tackled the carseats. I had picked up a new seat for Conner so I could get three across on the second row but I couldn't get a good install. So tonight I finally tackled them. I spent a good hour installing all three kids seats and have them just the way I want them.

The Pilot. After months of searching for a smaller suv I finally found a seven year old Pilot with 77,000 miles on it for a great price. I traded in the van and never looked back. I love it! It takes up less garage space. It is way more reliable then my minivan and best of all, it has a CD player!! My van was as basic as they come with all manual options and a tape deck. For three years I missed listening to all the mixed cd's my sister Poe had made me throughout the years. So tonight I finally pulled out the six disc changer (completely new technology to me even though now it's completely outdated) and I picked some favorites and sat in my 'new' car enjoying some chill music. I put the seat back, closed my eyes and smiled. And thought about my sister Poe who is miles and miles away in Senegal, Africa. She'll be there for almost 2 more years and I'm missing her like crazy. But now, I have my music again. And every time I play my cd's I think of her. I miss you Poe!!!

Again, there was nothing extraordinary about today but it was perfect in so many ways. While the boys played today I was thinking about how thankful I am that they are all healthy. I'm thankful for my Nater. He's a wonderful father, he's quite the handy man and after 10 years hasn't stopped making me laugh. We are blessed beyond measures and so often I think about how sheltered we really are each and every day. Tonight I am thankful for an ordinary day.

California Dreamin'

And we can't wait to get back!

Success

Today is going much better than yesterday. Snow has been falling since I woke this morning making for some beautiful scenery. Temps rose to 30 degrees so I was able to get all the boys dressed and head outside for some memorable times in the snow. In the past Biruk & Landon were to young to enjoy it but this year they both lasted for at least 30 minutes. Conner & I stayed outside for another couple hours and built 5 snowmen and an awesome igloo. I felt like a kid all over again. When we came inside I was craving some hot cocoa and quickly googled this fabulous recipe! You MUST make this NOW! I'm not even kidding. It was delicious. Nathan just came out of his office and said "well you ruined me for instant hot cocoa". It's true. You'll never, ever go back! Also, per the reviews, I used 1/2 c.sugar vs. 3/4 c and that was plenty sweet. EDITED TO ADD: We did not use half & half either. Now please report back to me immediately. Happy Friday to all of you! Let the good times roll :)

In case the link above does not work, here it is again.
http://allrecipes.com//Recipe/creamy-hot-cocoa/Detail.aspx

Failure

We all fail at our job at times. My job just happens to include my children. Every. Single. Day. And today I'm failing them. I woke up feeling funky and while I'm trying to shake it I'm not trying hard enough. My mind wants to be elsewhere instead of here. I'm still going about the usual tasks (dishes, meals, laundry, purging, homeschooling) although I feel as if I'm not actually here. I'm walking around in a daze thinking about upcoming trips, goals I have for the house, my family, my siblings, camping, warm weather, exercising, etc. And then I look around and feel like I'm accomplishing nothing. Even if I did get ALL the laundry caught up today, it will be a mess again tomorrow. Piles will be scattered throughout the house. Sheets will need washed again. Towels will need washed. It never ends. Most of the time I can roll with the monotonous tasks of a stay at home mom but some days you just get tired of doing the exact same thing. Every day. Who knows what triggered this mood swing. Maybe it's the cold weather. My pale skin. My children talking back. Taxes that need to be completed. Dinner waiting to be cooked. A news story about sexual assault. The book I just finished about a wife losing her spouse much sooner then she anticipated. Or my sister in Senegal who was having a rough time the other day. Maybe it's hormones. And I realize how pathetic and selfish it all seems, yet I still can't get myself out of this pitiful state of mind.

Soon it will all pass. Life is really a roller coaster of emotions. Some days you are on a complete high, in shock by how wonderful life is at that moment. And then other days you just want to lock yourself in the closet and have a pity party. As a result, your closet will be looking pretty darn good by the end of the day.

I didn't need to blog about this today. But life is not always rainbows & butterflies. And this post just might make another mom (or dad) feel better about there state of mind. We aren't alone with these feelings. So from one parent to another - cheers for a better tomorrow.

Yours truly,
The Sulker

About Time

We finally joined the Y. Instead of paying soccer fees for the boys we put it towards the first two months of a family membership. And once we sign the three of them up for soccer in the fall, that will be equivalent to three more months of family memberships. I've swam laps twice now and I can't tell you how great it feels to be swimming again. It's a high that I can't explain other than saying 'I love it'! Every stroke today felt so effortless and natural. And apparently it's all in perfect time because Conner said to me this weekend, while I was lying on his bed (on my stomach wearing shorts) "your legs are chubby mom. I like them. They are so squishy". I couldn't help but laugh. Sometimes the truth hurts. And it's best to handle the truth with a sense of humor at times. And those words only inspired me to kick harder today.

Crash & Burn

Skateboard Park Action

Skateboard Park Envy

Friday we headed past the skateboard park and the boys just stared in fascination and envy watching the big boys on their skateboards and bikes hitting the jumps and ramps. Here are some pics of the boys watching.

A break from winter...

We had perfect weather Friday & Saturday so we took full advantage and spent it outdoors. We all were in great need of sunshine & vitamin D. We had a picnic lunch outside, went to the park, rode the scooters for miles, played soccer, had a campfire and roasted hotdogs & marshmallows, and wrapped up the warm weather by flying a kite and playing in the garden dirt. Pure bliss for the boys (and us)! The forecast is calling for a snowstorm come Tuesday so I'm glad we took full advantage of the weather while it lasted.

Glasses Explanation

Just to clarify, Nathan didn't actually order me safety glasses but instead glued my old lens onto the safety glasses he had lying around. He picked his fanciest pair (heehee). The point is simply this; I can now get out bed and put them on temporarily verses going straight to the contacts. It's nothing permanent but buys me some time until I get my procrastinating butt to the eye doctor. Which in my case, may take months...

The story of my glasses...

7 years ago I bought a lovely pair of very cheap glasses.
They've been mistreated, scratched repeatedly, twisted and even bent by my children.
This past Thanksgiving we hit the road for California.
We had a lovely time and started the journey back to Oklahoma.
And since I despise wearing my contacts I of course ended up wearing my glasses for the extremely long car ride.
I decided to get a little shut eye and removed my glasses.
Five minutes later the boys needed me and since I've got pathetic eyesight I reached for my glasses so I could turn around and talk to them.
And that's when it all began.
I was reaching every where but they were no where to be found.
I pushed my foot onto the floor so I could turn around to face the boys and that's when I felt something crumble beneath my feet.
I dreadfully felt the floor and picked up my glasses, now in 2 pieces.
Thankfully they busted across the nose piece so I was able to salvage them with some duct tape.
Fast forward to one month later when my hubby shut the bathroom drawer with my glasses upright and they busted yet again.
My suspicions told me that he did it on purpose so he'd never have to see me in my duct tape glasses ever again.
Fast forward three more weeks of wearing nothing but my contacts from when I rise out of bed until I close my eyes for the night.
And then I was given the best birthday present EVER.
And my hubby proved my suspicions to be wrong.
True love at its best.....

Evidence