For You...

There're no words to say
No words to convey
This feeling inside I have for you

Deep in my heart
Save from the guards
Of intellect and reason
Leaving me at a loss
For words to express my feelings

Deep in my heart
Deep in my heart
Look at me losing control
Thinking I had a hold
But with feelings this strong
I'm no longer the master
Of my emotions

No words to say
No words to convey
This feeling inside I have for you
For you, for you
by: Tracy Chapman


I just returned from Ethiopia and the words are not coming. There is so much I want to say. There is so much that needs to be said. Yet I can't find the words. So I'm going to do my best to form them. 10 days ago I was sitting in the airport, waiting for my flight, when a good friend called and told me about the changes that were being implemented with the adoptions; specifically the 5 letter rule. My 3rd night in country, which happened to be my most emotional, I was forwarded the petition and encouraged to sign. It was the most disturbed I'd felt the whole time I was in country. Not because of anything I'd seen in Ethiopia, rather the words coming from my own country. Earlier that day, while visiting a small village south of Hosanna, I had one gentleman run up to the hut to ask if I was "the lady from Canada collecting children". I also had one gentleman come up to me to say he's not heard anything about his daughter he had given up for adoption. He was hoping I had some information for him. And what will his daughter do if she wants to find him one day and can't... Heartbreak, heartache, I can't shake. That same night I received the petition in my inbox. You can imagine the emotions swirling through my head...

While I'm incredibly heartbroken for the families & children involved in this situation I truly believe, something needs to be done. And I hope, amid all this chaos, the Ethiopian government, the adoption agencies, & adoptive parents can reach deep inside their heart and do what's right. I wish I had the answer. I wish I knew a way for no one involved to get hurt. And mostly, I wish the very best for the children and for them to not be caught in the middle of all of this.

I'm so grateful to have made this trip and to have been gifted with a certain peace that I had been longing for the past three years. Had I not made this journey, I'd still be hurting and haunted by my first trip. Another blessing this time around was my ability to cope with the cultural shock and really embrace the Ethiopian culture and people. There were so many moments, while driving through the villages and watching the people, I had a huge smile on my face. Not of pity or sadness, but more fascination and admiration. I liked Ethiopia 3 years ago, but this trip I was able to really fall in love. And before stepping inside the airport I spent a few last minutes breathing, smelling, hearing and seeing Ethiopia before saying goodbye. I'm hoping to not have to stay away too long. Ethiopia became a part of my life over three years ago; but now it's a part of me!