Who needs toys?

Deep thoughts...

I wish...

I wasn't prone to canker sores.
life wasn't so busy and chaotic.
our fixer upper would have sold.
we weren't landlords and Nathan wasn't fixing a water heater right now.
dishes weren't waiting for me in the kitchen.
I would have gotten braces several years ago when I had the chance.
junk food didn't taste so damn good.
I didn't whine.
we lived closer to family.
one of my sisters were here right now.
I could get out of my funk.
Nater was at home with me every day.
my camera wasn't getting fixed right now.
for people all around the world (that needs a list of it's own).
I wasn't always wondering what was next and I could just live in the present.
I was more patient with my kids.
I could be more laid back.
I didn't need to sleep.
for a thunderstorm right now.
upon a star.

After you.

Here is a picture from out at the farm house this weekend. I love being out there. The boys running in the fields, exploring new territory, chasing each other, touching the grass, and falling down while I enjoy the the sound of only their little voices and laughter. It's so peaceful.

But then I remember all the struggles we had while we lived there. Water that smells worse than any fart (times one million), a basement that flooded, ants galore, one tiny bathroom, and all the memories of the remodel. You could say it's a love/hate relationship. But now, mostly love. I miss our little house on the prairie (as Nathan's boss calls it).

Contagious

I don't know how but I have never seen this before. I was laughing so hard with Conner watching it.

Clarification

I am a terrible writer. I quickly write what I'm thinking and I am not very good at painting the whole picture. So I will try to explain things with Biruk as well as I can.

Daddy. Biruk is definitely a daddy's boy. But there are also plenty of times he wants his mama. Especially at bedtime or naptime. It's usually myself who puts him to sleep. So I don't want to worry anyone that there is no bond or connection between us. Because there definitely is. The incident with him not reaching to me when he was held by my friend is the first time it's ever happened and it obviously freaked me out. So I wrote about it quickly without any explanation. However, while it may not mean anything, I want to address the issue. So, Biruk and I are going to be having a LOT more one on one time. I'm going to make time during the day for just the 2 of us and hubby is going to help work it out in the evenings that we get even more time. I want Biruk to come snuggle up on my lap throughout the day. I want him needing his mama to hold him just because. So, I am hoping to make some improvements in that department. Part of it I blame on his extremely independent personality. And the fact that he is such a busy body. He loves to be running around getting into trouble and exploring.

I love the fact that he is so close to his daddy. I've had 2 mama's boys so I think dad deserves a turn. Thanks for all your support and please keep the advice coming.

Chandra

No he didn't....

oh yes he did. Apparently Biruk has snuck on my blog and read my most recent post. And so today he wanted to prove me wrong. My good friend Angie (Conner's girlfriend) was over today and Biruk was reaching out for her while in my arms. Then when I would hold mine out for him to come back he shook his head no and nuzzled up on Angie. Slap in the face. Seriously. On a positive note he reached out for hubby. I told you those 2 were buds. Me and him. Not so much. Anyway, I love my friend Ang so she's off the hook but I was so bummed. Am I making a bigger deal about this than it really is? Please chime in adoptive moms out there or any mama's with little ones that prefer others over yourself.

sincerely,
sad mama

My Biruk-ee

When we were in Ethiopia all the nannies would run up to Biruk when we were at the care center and say "Birukee Birukee Birukee" with their beautiful, beautiful accents. He was well loved and his face would light up when seeing them. And from then on we called him Birukee. Nathan would say it repeatedly to him just like the nannies and his face would brighten up. It was one thing that was familiar for the little guy. So if you hear me refer to him as that, this is why. I am trying to phase it out but it's so hard. It's really grown on us. I catch Conner doing it a lot, as well and some of my siblings.

Biruk has been home for going on 11 months. It's been interesting to say the least. And since his one year is coming up I've been thinking a lot about our travels to Ethiopia, the insane (to put it nicely) few weeks after we picked him up (starting with the flight) and how we've bonded and attached. I felt like I was constantly analyzing those first few months after he arrived home. Are we attached? Do I treat him different than Conner? Why doesn't he do this or that like Conner did? Maybe we aren't attaching well. Meanwhile, him and Nater were falling into an adorable relationship. Biruk loves his daddy. As soon as he sees Nathan his face lights up and he yells "Daddy (it's spoken more like Da-Deeee). Too cute. Anyway, I loved him, no doubt about it, but I was constantly worried that it was "different" and you think about the fact that they are adopted.

Then around 6 months I realized something was different. I wasn't thinking about it anymore. I wasn't obsessing about whether or not we had attached to each other. That was a good sign. I noticed you think less and less about their adoption, it feels so natural. But somehow, being the crazy, analytical person I am I still worried. Biruk is busy. That's not to be taken lightly either. The boy loves to be on the move. So up until bedtime, he doesn't stop to come cuddle and curl up in my lap. Conner, our 3 year old is constantly doing that.

But something happened this week. Biruk, our indestructible germ rejector, finally picked up some cooties and got his double ear infection. He has become Mr.Snuggler, hang at my feet wanting to be picked up while I'm making dinner, wants mama not dad and falls asleep in my arms. And I'm loving every single minute of it! Twice today he curled up in my arms and I rocked him to sleep. And he did it twice without his security doll 'Little Baby Gund'. I've never felt better. So I feel the need to shout it out to everyone who will listen, "He loves me!! He needs me! And I need him!". I hope this isn't a temporary thing and we can continue our snuggle sessions. And him needing me to hold him in the middle of the day, just because. We need that. We need each other.

I love you my little Biruk-ee. Thank you!

Another one bites the dust..

It's Biruk this time and he was diagnosed with double ear infections. He woke with a fever today and could best be described as lethargic. He has a wicked cough and his eyes were droopy all day. He doesn't want to eat or drink anything so we are hoping by tomorrow we will see some improvements. Landon has had a slight fever but seems to be feeling pretty well. Conner is well on his way to a full recovery. Mom & dad - still healthy.

So what better way to treat my immune system than to feed my body 10 lbs of sugar & salt. I bought enough junk food to feed a football team and plan on doing nothing but rotting my brain with garbage on tv and feeding my face. I already feel my stomach churning. I've started with twix and tootsie rolls. Since it's Valentine's day soon the tootsie rolls are only cherry & vanilla flavored. Yum. Along with the Twix and Tootsie rolls I have the following supplies;

Peanut butter m&ms
Gummisavers
Dots
Chips & Queso
Pringles
Mustard Pretzals

I think that covers it. I'm sure there is more but that's all I can think of at the moment. Time to go overdose on sugar and rot my brain.

Happy Saturday.

your teeth called...

Your breath stinks. Ahh.... gotta love The Office. Since Conner was sick Sunday we missed the new episode of The Office. So I had the pleasure of watching it tonight with Nater. Hilarious! It's by far my favorite show on tv these days. For those of you who don't watch it, you really need to check it out.

Little man is still under the weather. He has a wicked cough that kept him up for a while last night so hopefully tonight will go better. The other 2 are still healthy even though sippy cups and toys are being shared. Still keeping my fingers crossed.

Thanks for all the 'get well' wishes. He's a trooper!

Always the weekend...

The Little Man started coming down with something Friday night and by Saturday morning woke with a fever. By that afternoon it was in the 103's (he always battles fevers) and we gave him some motrin and watched him through the night. His fever never really eased up and by Sunday morning we did the whole "do we, don't we" on whether or not to go to urgent care of wait until morning and try to get in with his doctor. Thankfully we made the choice to go to urgent care. Nathan took him and I stayed with the 2 little ones. Conner had pneumonia 2 years ago and was hospitalized so we are constantly worrying about his immune system. Anyway, once he got in they took xrays, got him hooked up to an iv b/c he was dehydrated, did a breathing treatment and drew blood. It doesn't sound like he was very happy with any of it. Nater said after the iv and breathing treatment the fever came down. The xrays confirmed he had pneumonia in the right lung and after another breathing treatment and the doctors looking things over they decided he could come home and a nebulizer would be delivered to the house that evening so we could do the breathing treatments ourselves. Yeah! Nater dropped of the prescriptions and brought Conner home. It had been almost 4 hours by this point and I had the boys to bed so I was able to hang out with Conner. He kept saying "I was so worried about you mom". He cracks me up. The good news is that he seems SO much better today and has no fever. It's times like these my heart goes out to families with seriously ill children in and out of hospitals. I can't imagine what they must be going through. I'm so thankful for my children's health.

Some favorites...

Here are some photo's that I just uploaded off my memory card from December.

"Daddy's gonna kill Ralphie"

We got a couple inches of snow tonight so hubby took the boys out to play before dinner. They loved it. Here is some video. Reminds me of The Christmas Story with the way Biruk is walking around.

The good stuff...

Conner, our first born, was quite the challenge. His birth was awful and left me barely able to walk or sit. That was followed by a cranky baby with colic who spent most of his days needing to be held, followed by an evening of screaming (mostly 5-10). We used all the tricks - sitting him in a bouncy seat on dryer, swinging him in his carseat, running water (we must have used an insane amount of water those first few months), standing by the dishwasher at nights trying to get him to sleep, you name it - we most likely tried it. I avoided most raw vegetables because it seemed to make the colic worse. My mom (raised 11 kids) was known as the baby whisperer. She didn't stand a chance with Conner. He was quite particular and most of the time only his mama would do. I remember a friend of mine, who used to work in a daycare, said she had never seen anyone so young, know his mother so well. This was at 2 months when he would cry when in the arms of stranger but calm as soon as he was back in my arms. I should have known then that he was going to be unique. And that he is. By 12 months his vocabulary was huge and I talked to the little guy like he was an adult. He has loved books since he was a baby and now I find him sitting in his room, with a stack of books next to him, flipping the pages 1 after another and he says "I'm reading mom". We had a staircase, no gate. The house wasn't baby proofed in the slightest way, but it was never an issue. I told him "no", he looked at me and left it alone. No problem. He's now 3 years old, and other than being incredibly argumentative (which I blame on his intelligence) he is a pretty easy child.

Then came Biruk, baby-proofing is an understatement. There can be NOTHING left in his path. I repeat nothing. You shout "no" and he stares back at you and gets right back to work (be it shoving a cheerio in an outlet or climbing on the bed to get to the dresser - you get the picture). And boy can he climb. And if he can't get to it from the ground he just finds one of the cars or step stools, slides it over and gets what ever he was after. And the stairs. We have the gate at the top and the TWO times we've accidentally left it open, he made is break. Once found on the 5th step down, standing up, staring back up at me. Meanwhile my heart was racing out of control and I'm trying to act calm and cool so he doesn't freak out and fall. His latest and greatest is opening every dresser drawer and pulling all the articles of clothing out. It's a constant challenge figuring out ways to make it more complicated for him. And he graciously accepts those challenges.
(there is a point to this story).

Today I spent the morning organizing Biruk's room and moving Conner in with him. Tonight is their first night together. And normally Biruk falls asleep pretty fast and then we planned on lying Conner down. Well this is their first night and Biruk isn't in the mood to sleep (thanks to late nap) and so I sent Conner in the room and said "quickly crawl under your sheets and go to bed". Fast forward 20 minutes. The conversations coming from that room are hilarious.

Conner: It's okay Biruk-ee, go night night. Do you hear the baby crying (referring to Landon). Can you say baby? Can you say daddy? Huh Biruk-ee
Biruk: bbbllll bbblllluuu (making blowing noises with his lips). Bahh bahhhh....
Conner: Shh... Biruk
Biruk: dddooo doooo (tongue noises again).
(enter dad)
Biruk: DADDY

They are all in their together right now. It should be an interesting night. But I'm hoping after a few nights we will get a pattern down with them and then little Landon can move out of our room, into his own space. Wish us luck!

Report from Dad just now -
He said he shut the lights off, picked up Biruk and sang the abc's (easiest song ever) and he heard Conner say "I like it in here".

There are times I shake my head and say "3 boys - this close together" but in all honesty, I look forward to what lies ahead. I'm hoping Conner's level headed, cautious, caring personality will help to keep the other 2 in line. Otherwise, I'm doomed.

Time for a "date" with the hubby. Ya know the stay at home, popcorn & soda, watching a movie date. Peace out.

Daydreamin...

Last night hubby & I were reminiscing good times we've had at the lake. While trying to find a picture to post for the day I came across this one. Conner was only 9 months old. Apparently we were both tuckered out after a day in the sun. I'm looking forward to taking all the kids to the lake this summer and renting a boat. They will all be over a year so it should be somewhat manageable.

Dreams...

Last night, or rather early this morning (an hour before the kids wake up and I'm finally in REM sleep) I had a rather strange dream. I was back at my old place of employment and had been offered a 2 different positions One of the positions included an office with floor to ceiling windows of this spectacular view with the more serious co-workers. The others involved the goofballs of the company (which would mean I would get nothing accomplished). Anyway, I'm racking my brain trying to decide if it was worth putting the kids in daycare to take this sweet job. I'm walking down the hall and Genevieve (Dear Genevieve from HGTV) was doing all sorts of crazy exercises (apparently she was the fitness instructor). Thankfully I woke up to Landon's cries at that point (before Genevieve made me do some lunges). I laid in bed for a few moments wondering what position I would have taken and where this dream came from. I'm guessing it had to do with the following;

- I watch too much HGTV
- I fantasize about not being a SAHM apparently too often
- I love windows and being able to see the outdoors
- I miss work. I miss using my brain and interacting with other adults
- insert your own thoughts here :)

Better get to bed, not sure what's in store for me tonight in my dream world.

My newest favorite....

Oreo cookies. By themselves, with ice cream, or a glass of milk. They bring me great joy. Yum, yum! Moving on....

All 3 of the kids are in their beds. 1 is sleeping, 1 is reading or playing with cars, and the third is whining. I enjoy moments like this. They are few and far between but when it happens, I love it! The sun is shining, the laundry & dryer are running in the background and dishes need to be done. But I'm happy. I am thankful that my crazy days of strongly disliking (aka hating) being a SAHM are becoming less frequent and I'm getting more of a grip on my life. I think it's mostly a result of Landon becoming a little more independent and not in my arms 24/7. That is a big help. Not to mention the support of my mom & sisters. They listen to me vent and offer their advice. I am grateful for that. And when hubby's workday comes to an end, I have his help. And when bedtime rolls around, and his arms are wrapped around me I forget what I could possibly be upset about. We are blessed.

The thing about motherhood is it changes by the second. In 3 hours I may want to strangle my husband, be pissed at one of my sisters, and the screams of my wee ones may send me running to the laundry room with my hands over my ears. But for now, I'll write about a good moment (and the simple joy a cookie can bring).

My 3 little Jedi's

Whenever we go to Texas to see my sister and her family Conner loves playing with their Star Wars light sabre's . So their gift from Santa this year was just that. And since Landon will be running around in no time it was a good thing he got one too. Here are my 3 little Jedi's.

Just a few things...

I didn't know when deciding to become a mom.

-food and spit up on my clothes, no matter what time of day it is.
-that as soon as I wash and change my sheets, that there would soon be a pee/poop stain
-that I would actually sleep on those sheets b/c I'm too tired to change them
-how much I would dread making dinner every night
-that showers and brushing your teeth become a luxury

but, I also didn't know
-how much I could possibly love these tiny little beings (that cause all of the above)
-how sweet they look when they are sleeping
-how much more I would fall in love with my husband
-how contagious a smile and laugh would be
-that when I lay down in bed at night I would only remember all the good things that day (and forget the majority of moments that made me crazy)

A little cheese...

to go with my whine. With smiles this big, how could I possibly get frustrated with these boys? Wait.... yes I remember now. Maybe because the crayon Biruk was trying to stick in the outlet, or the fact that Landon screams his head off if he's not in my arms or my 3 year olds attempt at wiping his own butt. Nah... it can't be that :)

I love these boys. I really do.

And now they can all bite...

Proof of Landon's 2 new teeth (notice the foaming of the mouth) and a picture to show his droopy eyes from his days of a wimpy naps consisting of a mere 30-45 minutes (that's all day). So tonight he was asleep by 6:15. Poor guy is also fighting a cold. Yet he can still muster a smile and laugh for his mama.