If only there were a pause button...

Sometimes I look back at photos of the kids and it feels like someone is squeezing my heart in their fist. The kids are so much smaller.  The boys still have traces of baby fat.  Their chubby cheeks, bright eyes and innocent smiles make me want to go back in time and pick them up one more time.  It makes me want to smell their hair, kiss their cheek, squeeze them as tight as I can.  Even though I embrace moments I know I want be able hold onto the actual physical memory for very long.  Memories of how squishy they were in my arms, what they felt like lying across my lap, how perfectly they curled up next to meet and fell back asleep when crawling into bed with us at night.  The sound of their voice, their cry, their laughter.  It's not often I look back.  I liked to enjoy the present, with the occasional glance forward.  But sometimes, I open up my computer and I look back at photos and what I wouldn't give to enjoy one more day with the boys as infants, toddlers, and so one.  Just a day.  Or even ten minutes.  It's a good reminder to really, truly live in the present.  Every day.  Today we went out on a walk with the boys & J, not knowing where we were headed.  We ended up walking almost five miles and stopped at three different playgrounds and arrived back at home a few hours later.  It was relaxed.  It was fun.  It was us.  And so perfect.  I'm so thankful for all the time we have with the kids.  I'm thankful they are schooled at home with the added bonus of the flexibility of the hubby's work schedule.  They are so loved.  As are we.  And while I can't go back in time for another hug, I can surely appreciate the one tomorrow morning even more!