potty training

I can't believe I am actually saying this but our diaper buying days may soon be over.  OT has been peeing on potty for a while but like most little peeps, he has been withholding his poop.  He kept saying all day "poop on potty" but every time we'd put him on the toilet he would freeze.  This evening we put his little potty chair in the kitchen and he finally decided to use it.  He ran to tell his sister (which we overheard) and all six of us came running into the kitchen to cheer him on.  I couldn't help but notice what a different environment it was for him vs his older siblings.  Life may get more chaotic with more kids and we definitely do not get the one on one time we would like and need with our children but the bond among siblings and the love they share is priceless.  I could not have been more proud sharing that moment with some super special people.  And after months of bribing him with a promise of a "mammer" (hammer) we ran to the bedroom and grabbed his hammer out of the Christmas gifts pile.  When hubs pulled it out from behind his back OT said "bang bang".  When I asked him whose hammer it was he said "mine".  He could have cared less about his cookie and headed down in the basement to mammer in some nails.  We are SOOOOOO thrilled to almost be done potty training!!  Way to go little dude.  

Has it really been a year?

It's 10:38 p.m..  I am waiting on the acid stain to dry in our basement.  The house in a total mess right now because we are in the process of finishing over 1400 sq ft of concrete floors in our basement.  My busy body husband took it upon himself to start this while the kids and I camped over labor day.  Upon our return we've been working like crazy to get it finished.  So far; day 1 - scrubbing and mopping of the concrete dust from husbands first pass over the floors with concrete grinder.  Day 2 0 rental of concrete grinder for a second time to do another pass while vigorously mopping and scrubbing right behind him (this was over an 8 hour day and I thought my arms might fall off).  Day 3 - finish the hosing, mopping and shopvac-ing of more concrete dust.  Day 4 - attempt to acid stain floor with a strong dilution.  Day 5 - neutralize, scrub, mop and shop vac floors.  Day 6 - attempt to seal but realized you went to light on stain.  Proceeded by a pity party and trip to floor store to buy a "wet look" incredibly toxic sealer.  Chicken out and return said sealer for fear of exposing family to all sort of awful toxins.  Spend your evening acid staining floor with stronger ratio (stain to water).  And then blog. Tomorrow I will neutralize and scrub the floors yet again.  It will take all day.  I will then let it dry for 24 hours and hopefully get a coat of sealer on it by Thursday night.  It has been way more than I had bargained for but we are saving some serious coin by doing this ourselves.  Not to mention we will also have the reward of another job tackled on our own.  It's a good feeling.  Anyway, I was unwinding tonight and reading an incredibly article and all of the sudden my blog popped in my head and I realized how much I miss writing.  And how much I miss documenting my journey through motherhood and stories about our children. With that statement I should keep it real.  Some days I can't wait for the day to be over and I find myself fantasizing about what it would be like to wake up, shower and put on some "grown up" clothes (the kind that require an iron), kiss the kids goodbye with coffee in my hand and hop into a quiet vehicle to commute to work and actively participate in society.  Today started off that way.  It's all the chaos right now.  It's too much and I find myself wanting to escape.  Our living/dining room is packed with all the excess stuff that was removed from the basement.  We have no kitchen table at the moment, it feels like there are a dozen projects we are in the midst of, the littlest one is potty training, laundry is piling up since our washer/dryer is not usable, the kids were full of energy and I'm exhausted.  Nothing that really justifies complaining over but some days it knocks you on your ass.  And I want to escape.  I pretend the grass would be greener.  But in reality, I love my gig.  I would hate having to set an alarm and be out the door at an exact time every day (I used to do it prior to having children).  I would hate someone else loving on my babies all day.  I would hate sending them off to school.  I would miss my morning ritual with the kids.  I would miss my sweet Junie-B following me around the house telling me how much she loves me.  I would miss watching my three bigs playing in the yard, laughing in their room, listening to them help each other with homework.  I would miss random snuggles throughout the day.   This afternoon I looked over the past four lessons of math the kids had finished and it made me smile.  Sometimes it is something so random that causes me to pinch myself and overwhelm me with gratitude. Lucky me to be able to have the privilege of teaching my kids from the comfort of our home, for sharing some of these moments with my hilarious husband when he works from home and for the five kiddos that call me mom! Sometimes I daydream about an escape but really, I wouldn't want it any other way.  I will continue to chip away at the basement and task by task and item by item we will get organized.  Meanwhile we are going to escape to the mountains to camp and enjoy the hot air balloon festival.  Peace Out blog.  See you in 2017 at the rate I blog :-)

Taking the time (an old entry I'm finally posting)

Original Post: June 10th, added on below.

Random days I write blog post in my head.  Only to get all the kids to bed and realize there is no way I have the mental stamina to articulate what I had thought earlier in the day.  But today I'm going to make the time.  It's one of those ordinary days that feels so extraordinary in so many ways.  I just nursed O to sleep while staring at his adorable baby legs, sweet baby cheeks and his precious lips and fat little baby hands.  Meanwhile I could hear the older four yucking it up another bedroom with the occasional scream thrown in for good measure.  And all I could think was how fucking grateful I am for these little treasures that I get to call mine.  This morning J insisted on getting changed right after I had dressed her.  She picked out another sundress gifted from her aunt and immediately started to twirl around and around.  It took me back to my own childhood of loving this very specific red dress that rose every twirl without fail.  At one point she looked at me and said "I'm a super girl".  Yes she is.  She kept me company while I organized the front room and made our hundredth pile of donations at the front door.  The past two years we've purged ourselves of items that we should have rid ourselves of over the past ten years.  It feels good.  I knew when I found out I was pregnant with our fifth child that if there was ever a time to declutter it was then.  And I'm so glad we started the movement because it has made the transition to five kids that much smoother.

I'm also so grateful for our three oldest boys that have become such thoughtful and considerate children.  There not perfect.  There is no such thing.  But there acts of kindness they exhibit make me so proud.  Their willingness to help with the younger two is such a blessing.  The way they look out for each other brings me such comfort.  I hope it continues through their teenage years and into adulthood.  My siblings have been such allies in my life and have shaped me into the person I am today.  I want that for my children.  I think homeschooling has contributed to the loyalty & protectiveness they have for each other.   Or maybe all siblings have it.  Regardless, it makes me smile every time I listen to them interacting together and allowing their little sister to tag along.  It won't be long and the littlest is going to be doing his best to keep up.  Life with five has been more of a blessing than I could have ever imagined.  With each addition to our family I understand more and more of how my folks ended up with eleven kids.

Colorado is awesome.  Nater & I knew on during our annual road trips out here we wanted to call this state home.  It took longer than anticipated but finally it became a reality.  My first year out here was rough but it was worth it for all the joy 2015 has brought.  We are in our groove and tis the season for thunderstorms, rainbows, hiking, cool nights with the windows open, greenery, camping and summer bliss.

Speaking of camping.  One day I'll post pictures and try to document it better but the kids have already been on three camping trips for the year with at least three more in the books.  We road tripped to Tucson, AZ to meet up with  my folks and spend some time with my sister.  I freaking LOVED Tucson.  The scenery was spectacular and was not at all what I expected.  I am looking forward to our next trip.  After Tucson we headed west to visit family in California and camped on the coast for five nights.  We woke in the morning and saw dolphins, sea lions and even a whale on our last morning!  Watching the sunset in the evening was spectacular and I'm always grateful for time spent with family.  We pit-stopped through Tucson again on the trip back and enjoyed some more time with my sister.

In April we headed up to the mountains in Lyons and camped on Nater's uncles 40 acres bordering national forest.  It is one of our favorite places in Colorado and this time did not disappoint.  While exploring the national forest the kids found an entire elk skeleton (scattered about) and wanted to bring it home with us.  They climbed boulders, helped load wood, and ran free.  I love it up there so much.  I think it it as close to silence as you can get.  We are heading up there again next month to cut wood and clear some acreage and I'm really looking forward to it.

Edited from here:

Trip. no 3 took us back to Indiana to see family and camp at Ludington State Park.  Ludington was beautiful.  My parents took my siblings and I camping along Lake Michigan coast annually as kids and even after leaving for college I still came home for the trips with my younger siblings.  It's always nostalgic when I return.

My father-in-law was diagnosed with cancer (Mantle Cell Lymphoma) over a year ago so we've been trying to get back to see them more frequently.  My in-laws live in an old farmhouse full of character that sits on 90 acres that has been in there family for a very long time (Nathan's mom lived in the house when she was little).  It is always a relaxing and pleasant trip that includes the kids catching frogs in the pond, running all around the yard, chinese lanterns, a beer shed, lots of memories and laughter.

Clearly this blogs post is outdated because it's been a few months and camping trips later.  So I'll continue with the trips I remember.

No.4 - Rocky Mountain National Park - Moraine Campground
My friend Deirdre suggested we came together at Moraine and I'm so thankful we did.  We took a gorgeous hike, the kids played in a stream for hours near our campsites, I watched the sunset, drank wine around the fire with an inspiring friend, embraced chaos, took tons of pictures, visited Alluvial Fan, had a lovely picnic and made great memories.  RMNP is such a gorgeous place with new views every turn, lots of "wows" and "kids look at that!" and "OH MY GOSH.  We finally live in COLORADO.  Yipppppeee".

The rest of June into July is a blur of moving houses, finishing up projects at the old house and getting it ready to become a rental.

No.5 - Glacier National Park - Family reunion for my siblings and my folks.  It was a week of R & R.  We rented cabins scattered on over 200 acres.  No TV, no wifi (at least not in our cabin) and nothing but gorgeous views everywhere you looked.  The week included slow mornings with lots of coffee, unforgettable hikes, black bears, kick ball, dodgeball (with a crazy set of rules), reading books, a dance party with the little kids, memories for my kids (with their cousins) and an incredibly scenic drive.  I will definitely be going back there in the future!

Lastly we took a 3 week trip back to Indiana to spend time on the farm, participate in the annual Labor Day camping trip with my moms extended family and then back to my folks/in-laws for more visiting.  That was one of the longest trips the kids and I had been on and I'm shocked by how smooth the whole thing went.  I don't know what the future holds for my father in-law Tom but I know I don't want to miss any opportunity for my kids to create memories with him.  On his good days it is pure jot to watch him with his grandchildren.  He can make them laugh just like there dad does.  His smile is infectious and his laugh contagious.  I'm so thankful for his part in making Nathan the man he has become.  The day before we leaved Tom was in such good spirits and his energy was high.  I didn't want to leave.  We will be heading back again in just over a month and I'm already looking forward to it.  I'm so glad our lifestyle allows us to take these trips because if it weren't for homeschooling we wouldn't be able to do it.  The kids had so much fun with the grandparents and extended family (Labor day). We are so fortunate to have so many people in our lives to love and be loved by in return.

One day I'll hopefully post some photos but at least there is some sort of documentation from the last year.  Until next time...

My journal is missing so many entries....

Sometimes I lay in bed at night writing up blog post in my head.  Or when I'm driving in the car.  Or even while making dinner, doing dishes, etc.  And here we are ONE YEAR LATER and I've not documented the past year.  The little dude is already ONE!  And walking.  And making everyone laugh every single day.  He's mimicking our actions, trying to throw and kick the ball, playing peek a boo, saying hi, waving good bye, saying 'mama' on the rare occasion when he really needs to get my attention.  He hugs, kisses (and makes the noise by clicking his tongue), eats with us during mealtime, but still nurses through the night.  He loves any electrical cord and outlets, cabinets, playing chase, his dad, his siblings, his mama, dogs, the outdoors, socializing, and most of all LIFE.  When he was a little infant I commented frequently about his smile and how the kid loved life.  He reminds me daily to just live in the moment and appreciate the simple things.  I'm so grateful for him.   I can't imagine life without him and it took five kids for me to understand how my mom had eleven.  I can see it now.  If it weren't for number five I wouldn't have experienced the three older boys truly enjoying a baby in the house and sharing in all these special moments with me every day.  And of course J-bird adores him.  But it's different at three.  The boys are big enough to really appreciate the gift of a younger sibling.

Jay-bird is awesome.  I'll never forget the day I found out I was having a girl and how ecstatic I was.  Little did I know how spectacular she was going to be!  My independent, spit-fire, take charge, knows what she wants, hilarious, lovable, clever, witty, strong, beautiful girl!  If the past three years is any indication of what the future holds- I can't wait!

My boys.  Ahhh...my fabulous trio.  I'm so lucky to have these three boys leading the way for the younger two.  Yes they can be mischievous, indifferent, sassy, smug, cranky (and I'm only starting the sentence this way because I don't want to sound as if I'm bragging) but most the time they are considerate, kind, protective, hilarious, respectful care-free little dudes.  I love them so much.  Just recently we were traveling back from a trip to Indiana to visit family and I couldn't help but watch all the kids in the rear view mirror (on long, straight shots along the interstate with no traffic around of course) and smile.  Me & five kids, 1200 miles in two days, one night in a camper, and they were troopers.  They have their notepads and some pens/pencils.  That's it.  No dvds, electronics, or games.  And they kick-ass on these road trips.  Granted it's all they know and I start them young but it's not lost on me how damn great they are on the road.  I'm so grateful that we can travel like we do.  I wish I had kept track of all the miles these kiddos have traveled.  In the past year alone we've been back to Indiana twice (with a third trip coming soon), pulled the popup and camped in Arizona & California, we had a family reunion at Glacier National Park and a few other camping trips in Colorado thrown in the mix.  They are my little road warriors.

Perhaps it is our lifestyle that has made the kids so flexible and relaxed.  We have moved (again) and while there was some resistance initially, this house has quickly become a home for all of us.  Maybe it's because we are all optimistic that we will be staying put for awhile.  It's the smallest and coziest space we've ever lived in and yet in some ways it is the most harmonious it's ever been.  Tonight while walking on a trail by our house I watched B & L whipping all around on their rollerblades, C running all over the place to keep up and hubs passing a small ball back and forth between each of them and I felt so incredibly grateful.  Meanwhile J & O were happily cruising in the stroller watching all the action.  Life is good.  We've had hiccups along the way, some hard months, many challenges but some of the hard work has paid off.  I'm going to enjoy this moment of time before the next hurdle comes.

Baby bliss

The newest member of the family made his arrival at 37 weeks and 4 days, allowing us to avoid induction.  He came naturally and quickly (born 3.5 hours after arriving at the hospital) at 11:32 a.m. weighing in at 7 lbs, 2 oz and 19 3/4".  He laughed in his sleep within 36 hours of being born and hasn't stopped since.  I managed to capture it on video the other day and I could listen to his laugh over and over again.  Like most babies he smiles lots in his sleep.  He loves being snuggled against my chest and lately has found his voice. He is ridiculously strong for his size.  He rolled onto his back the other day while doing tummy time (2 weeks old).  He has the cutest ear lobes, a back full of fur and a sweet head full of black hair.  His big siblings are excited to have a little brother. My parents arrived the day after he was born and were able to stay the first week.  We are a lucky crew!  Welcome to the family little man!  

The dreaded cholestasis.

With my previous pregnancies I've battled cholestasis so it didn't surprise me when around 34 weeks the dreadful itching had begun.  Since about 16 weeks I've been trying a regimen of warm lemon water every morning and 2 cups of dandelion leaf tea per day to hopefully keep my liver cleansed.  When the itching started it wasn't as intense as it had been with J's birth so I thought it was going to be manageable.  And for the next 10-12 days it was too bad.  But as I neared 36 weeks the itching increased.  They took my blood at 36 weeks and I barely had any itching that day so I assumed they would be slightly elevated.  There is a normal range of bile acids in our blood of 0.0-7.0 and with L's pregnancy they were 42, with J's I was in the 500's (I think I may have set a record with that #) and yesterday I was informed my number, as of 9 days ago was 107 (over 100 is rare).  Judging by the intensity of my itching this past week I'm sure it has only gone up.  With the increase in bile acids in my blood there is a risk of stillbirth because of increased risk of meconium and that then getting into babies lungs.  So they like to induce by 37-38 weeks.  With J we induced at 37 weeks and it was a nightmare which ended up with us back in ER a few days after she was born and her blood oxygen levels were in the 70's due to not all her air sacs being opened in her lungs (to be fair respiratory distress could have been a result of the cholestasis).  So this time around we wanted to make it closer to 38 weeks.  Also, with my second pregnancy (42 bile acid) L came on his own in the 37th week.  I'm hoping that is what will happen with this baby.  Please keep your fingers crossed for some action in the next couple days.  When they suggested a Wednesday or Thursday induction I compromised with a Saturday morning induction (I'll be 37 weeks and 6 days).  Also, my parents arrive Friday night which makes it nice as well.  I think I'll relax a little easier knowing the kids are in one place and I'm not burdening someone else.  In the meantime we have family & neighbors who have volunteered to help with the kids which is greatly appreciated.  With the itching has come some sleepless nights with ice packs on my feet, body, and hands or late night baths to try to relieve some of it.  With J's pregnancy I actually kept buckets of ice water next to my bed and I'd submerge as much of my legs and arms as possible to try to numb away the itching.  Well the other night I got up around 4:30 and cleaned the tub for a good soak.  Around five I heard stomping around the house so I assumed hubs was up.  It turns out it was J walking around looking for me. So her & I sat in the tub together and shared the sweetest little moment.  She couldn't have been more endearing as she chatted away and randomly laid on my stomach.  It is moments like that I do not want to be forgotten.  And her brothers couldn't be sweeter.  B & C have been diligent about rubbing my feet whenever I need it (L wants nothing to do with them).  And the other morning C came in the room and rubbed my head until I fell asleep (this was after a night of sleeping maybe 2 hours).  Anyway, I'm so thankful for considerate sons who have really stepped up to help with everything.  They've been patient & extremely kind.  Soon, all of this will pay off and they are going to be rewarded with another sibling to laugh with and dote on.  I can't wait!  In the mean time hopefully these false contractions will turn into something real and this little guy will make his entrance before our scheduled induction.  Please send some birthing vibes this way!  I'll leave you with some beautiful pics I took from our backyard the other day.  Hubs woke me one morning at six to show me a gorgeous double rainbow over the mountains.  It was worth it!

Pics from last snow of the '13/'14 season (May)

I'm finally going through pictures from the past few months.  Our last snow was in May and no one was disappointed here.  Looking at these pictures gets me excited for this upcoming winter!

And a couple days after that the snow was gone and it was beautiful weather.  

Yet another boring journal entry for myself...

I just spent the past hour looking through old blog posts and I'm so sad I've missed out on documenting the greater part of the last 2-3 years.  I really, really, really want to do better.  So, 10:00 p.m. or not, I'm going to journal.  Mostly, I don't want to forget what an awesome age the boys are at right now.  Conner is quickly approaching 9, Biruk will be 7 in a few short weeks and Landon 6.  The boys have such kindness and love for each other.  Tonight I sat and took video of the three of them playing with legos for 3-4 minutes.  They have this thing where one of them starts singing a song and the other two chime in.  They listen to music occasionally so I'm always shocked by the amount of words they know for each song.  This happens all day long.  They do it (breaking out into song) while playing with legos, sitting at the table coloring, putting together a puzzle, rollerblading, etc.  It is the cutest thing ever and a memory I don't want to forget.  I'm so thankful for the bond the three of them have.  Occasionally they have moments of fighting but overall they are thick as thieves.  It's adorable and admirable.  My siblings and I are close but we had plenty of fighting mixed in with the play.  These three manage to keep that under control and I'm amazed at their patience for each other.  Currently they have a huge "science lab" built from their legos that they've worked on the last couple days.  It is quite impressive.  Today they let me sleep in, read books with J, watch a movie this afternoon, all while playing legos.  So I rewarded them with a trip to get a burger, fries and an upgraded shake.  I don't think I've ever gotten them their own shake.  They were pretty excited.  While bragging about how proud of them I should mention how much they have been doing around the house.  Yesterday the four of us cleaned both of the bathrooms (L - baseboards, B - toilets, C - tubs).  And no complaints.  They've been doing dishes and they are always great at switching out my loads of laundry and putting away everything that is folded.  Again, this is a blog for my memory, sorry for the boring details.  But damn I am so proud to be their mama!

J is J.  The girl has a strong personality.  I'll forever be grateful for her spit fire personality but that doesn't mean it doesn't come without it's challenges.  "I am eating mom.  I'm coming (as she takes the smallest steps ever).  Please watch Gaba Gaba.  One more.  One more.  Ughhh (in her deepest, most disgruntled sigh ever).  You mean to me.  Ba-ba's mean to me.  No my not.  Why mom?"  These are some of her daily sentences that pop in my head at the moment.  But she is soooooo cute when she is arguing and disagreeing.  It takes a lot of discipline to send her to her room or upstairs for a timeout.  And with the sass comes "You love me so, so, so much mom?".  Or after you say "I love you" she follows up with "so, so much?".  And the way she caresses my cheek, or curls up on my lap, or tells asks questions about her baby brother.  She is my everything.  Daily, I think to myself, I'm so thankful I have a daughter.  I do love her SO SO much!  And her dad.  Good grief!  Daddy's girl is an understatement.  He really would go to the moon and back for her.  It's mostly adorable.  I'm only a teeny, tiny bit jealous :).

As for baby on the way.  Well I can tell you he is already loved so much.  His big siblings are getting excited, as are we.  However, if his acrobatic moves are any indication of what kind of infant he will be I'm slightly scared.  He moves ALL THE TIME!  And they are not gentle movements.  Some days I fear how big of a baby he is going to be.  I hope with age and loss of memory I've just forgotten previous pregnancies.

So far, liver cholestasis has not reared it's ugly head.  I'm hopeful with the regimen I'm following I can avoid induction and we can go to term and this little guy can decide his birth date.  So far, so good!  We are not in the clear yet but I'm hopeful we can get through these last five plus weeks without any issues.  We do not want to relive J's birth if possible.
EDITED: As soon as I wrapped up this post last night and went to bed the itching started in my feet.  I finally got up early this morning because I'm feeling it in my palms of my hands and light itching in the stomach.  So much for 'being in the clear'.  I knew it was going to happen but it still sucks.  I'm drinking my lemon water and I have my dandelion leaf tea steeping.  I hope I can at least keep the itching at bay by staying hydrated.

The summer has been beautiful and I'm so glad for the mostly cool days we've had.  The other night I was up going pee and I could smell the chill in the air.  Fall will be here before we know it and I can't wait!  I have such anticipation for this fall and winter with the kids.  Time is ticking before our lives get chaotic and I'm holding on tightly to these relaxed days of ours.  They are precious and such a beautiful time right now.  I'm so thankful for our relaxed home schooling, peaceful and calm days at home.

We didn't get to camp as much as I had hoped this summer.  After our trip back to Ethiopia (hubs, Biruk and I) we had some crazy mystery illness in the house that took about a month of recovery.  However, we did one camping trip to a state park near our home, another up to Nathan's uncles home in the mountains (adjoining National Forest) which was so perfect, and another to Rainbow Lake (where my boys were able to fish with their uncle Sam).  Pregnancy has taken a lot of energy and finally I've become more realistic in what I can handle.  Next summer we can spend more time exploring.  This was the summer of de-cluttering, donating and minimizing our life.  It feels good and has become a bit addictive.

I need to get to bed but I will leave you with at least a few pics of our trip to Rainbow Lake with Uncle Samuel.  It was beautiful!